Thursday, July 31, 2008
Summer school is over now. What will I do with myself for the next three weeks? I'm glad you asked. I started reading War and Peace which is 1636 pages long and I'd like to finish it before school starts. I also have my list of fieldtrips. And of course work. I think it will be a nice change of pace and I hope I don't get bored. I don't really think that I will. Oh, I looked up where the public pools in Greensboro are. You only have to pay two dollars and I am just dying to swim so I am pretty pumped.
Leah and Brittany and I have decided to celebrate Thirsty Thursday with half off lattes at the Green Bean. I think it's funny that now that we all can drink, we get a latte instead of a beer. I mean, I'm down. Half price it up.
Ann comes home from Kenya Saturday!
real time: 5:28 PM
listening to: 100 Portraits
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
We have to be out by noon tomorrow and I have my final at 1:20. Bad timing. I am ready for this week to be over and then this will all just be a happy memory. We have four weekends until school is in full gear. I have Alex and Lydia's wedding this weekend, Matt and Mary's wedding next weekend, nothing on the weekend of the 16th and then that last week before New Student Outreach kicks in with move in stuff, and I am more than pumped. That weekend we will have the Associated Campus Ministries pancake breakfast on Sunday morning so the Freshmen can talk to different ministries and maybe find a ride to church. And then the 25th is school. I work every day of the week until school starts, which is good. This month will fly by and my Senior year will begin before I know it.
Please pray that I will get an A on this final despite the distraction of moving. I made flashcards last week and I've been working on them. I really need to get an A in this class so my GPA goes up for school of ed. I got an A on the first final, I have an 89.8 on homework and I have no absences. If I get an A I should be fine. Come on flash cards, don't fail me now.
With love and nothing on my walls,
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Private Christians (p. 49):
Matt 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
focus: evangelism and personal holiness, not in the midst of the world but through withdrawal, purpose of societal activities is to convert/evangelize the individual so that they can find victory through Christ
-mistrust the world and encourage separation
Social Gospel (Walter Rauschenbush)- religious action on behalf of poor indicative of validity of a person's faith -> private Christians view showing interesting in social concern as suspicious
aproach to city: keep distance, pray and evangelize, but the city is not a redeemable place
-experiance of Gospel is powerful but thin, underdeveloped sense of the fullness of salvation, focused on battles against activities of a worldly culture and s0 more subtle values of culture have crept in I.E. individuality
- limited in range of impact, generally a white, middle class phenomenon
Public Christians (p. 53):
Matt 25:31-46 When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
focus: transformation of the world by creating institutions in the city
- due to concern with pragmatic (of or pertaining to a practical point of view) results over precise doctrine = weakening of theological distinction -> loss of credibility, taking cues from intellectual culture rather than any unique Christian perspective
aproach to city: feed hungry and provide social services, doesn't necessarily represent churches well, notice and invest in the city
- failed to acknowledge limited role of the kingdom in building the ultimate scope of things
- failed to realise battle for Kingdom takes place in the individual's heart
"private Christians see people in the city and public Christians see abstract institutions." (p. 57)
"a good place for both to start would be to recognize cities and how God might be already using their cities for the purpose of redemption." (p. 56)
Jay Clark(e) is Emily Jackson:
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you shall build the old waste places; you shall raise up the generations of many generations; and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Street to Dwell In.
currently listening to: Iron and Wine
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
[1 John 3:16-18]
I am ready to move. I will be closer to campus and will have lots of windows in my room. I will also be so close to Tate St Coffee. I am ready for a change. Part of me is ready for never moving again. David came by tonight and we said goodbye to him since he's going to Mexico for the semester. Laura Jo called and told me she was engaged at last. I am ready for the future. I love where I am. I hate change and I want it. I am probably confused.
Today I got a new journal. I got a sketchbook because all of the journals had lines in them and I hate that. I also sat in an aisle at Barnes and Noble and read art history books for a bit. I stole flowers from campus today. I figure that I pay enough for tuition that I can steal flowers every now and then.
I might get a hair cut. It can always grow.
The days when you realize things about yourself are hard sometimes. Today was one of those, I think. I guess I'll leave off with this.
Psalm 4:8 "I will both lie down in peace and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
currently listening to: Nichole Nordeman, Brave
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Leah and I played with the camera in the dark tonight. I now have my own version of Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, which we made on purpose. Although the moon is blurry, which means my hand moved.
That is all, really.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Weatherspoon Art Museum [check.]
Grasshoppers game [check.]
Greensboro Arboretum [check.]
Greensboro Bicentennial Garden [check.]
N.C. Zoo [check.]
Greensboro Historical Museum
Greensboro Children's Museum
Guilford Courthouse National Military Park
Greensboro Opera Company
Natural Science Center
Tannenbaum Historic Park
Walking tour of downtown Greensboro with headphones
That's all for now. I think that could keep me busy for a while.
Today I went to the Weatherspoon Art Museum. I loved it. I'd been there once before but that was for class and I had to go, plus they change up the art work, so I had to go check it out. My favorite piece that I saw was quite possibly an untitled piece by Jonathan Herder. It was made out of postage stamps, in essence a stamp collage. I seriously stood there forever just looking at it. I was in awe.
[This wasn't the one, but this is an example. You can't really see it like you could in person.]
The exhibit upstairs was called TRANSactions and it was contemporary Latino and Latin American art. There was this one photograph and it was absolutely stunning. It was this woman at the beauty parlor (for lack of a better word; I feel stupid saying "beauty parlor") and she was having her hair washed. It was just so well shot. There was dye on the towel that she had on her lap and you could see her wedding ring on her hand and her facial expresion. Again, I just stood there for what seemed ages. There was also a photo shot in Uganda in one of the refugee camps and it was of this girl who'd just found out that her parents had been killed and the photographer was rushing to take this photo and it didn't come out clear but it looked like an impressionist painting and it was amazing.
My favorite gallery was one of photographs by Dawoud Bey. He took portraits of high school kids and next to the kids was a short biography that they'd written about themselves. I will be the first one to admit that I cry easily but some of these photos with the bios had me tearing up. It was kinda crazy. These kids talked about their struggles and their dreams and who they were and who they wanted to be, who they wanted to be like, who they didn't want to be like. They were beautiful. I loved it.
And that my friends is my assessment of the Weatherspoon Art Museum. But know that they do not like you to take in water, so if you bike there, expect to die of thirst.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I've been thinking about Elijah in 1 Kings 19 lately. I love that story. Elijah is so discouraged and he's afraid for his life and so he runs away and he ends up in this cave and God asks him what he's doing there. And he tells God that he has been serving Him and that he's all alone and that they're going to kill him. So God tells him to go stand out on the mountain and first a wind passed by, then an earthquake and then a fire, but God wasn't in any of those things. Then, a still small voice comes and God is in that. And God asks Elijah again what he's doing and Elijah tells God how he feels again and God says, go back.
I don't know why I feel compelled to keep reading that story. I just know that God will show up, and somehow speak comfort. I feel like in this story Elijah looks for God in showy, distracting things and that's easy to do. But in the end, God is whispering to Elijah.
I guess I feel like in a way, mentally I am Elijah and God is whispering, "Why are you here?"
I would have to reply, "I really don't know. I just want to serve you and do what's right according to you and I just don't even know how I got to this place! What am I doing here?" and God whispers, "Go back. Try again. Tomorrow's a new day."
currently listening to: everybodyfields
real time: 12:55 AM
weekend plans: working at the inn from 5 to 9, home, and Sammie Jo's baby shower.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I want to.
currently listening to: The Decemberists
real time: 8:42
currently reading: Sidewalks in the Kingdom, The Three Musketeers...It never ends.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Switching gears here. This is something that I've been thinking about for quite some time and have had many a lively conversation about. It's this idea of marriage and women and really, is that all there is for us? Because so, so many girls come to college expecting to find the love of their life and expecting to get married as soon as they graduate. I expected that, and so when my first and only boyfriend and I broke up at the end of Freshman year, I felt like such a failure. And then as time went on, I began to get very worried. You see, I am a planner, and my time table was being messed with. I think the conversation must have gone something like this: "Hey God, it's Emily. I think you missed the memo...See, I am supposed to be married after I graduate and in order to do that, I need to be dating someone, so if you could just get that, I'd really appreciate it." I think God must have replied: " Hey Emily, it's God. I think you missed the memo...See, you don't actually get to decide things like that, and I love you dearly and so things will happen in my time, not yours, so get comfortable." I'm not knocking marriage after graduation, exactly.
I'm just asking if there's something more for women than to make babies. Please, don't get me wrong, I want to be a wife and mother very much so. BUT I will not settle on that. Let me think of what I'm trying to say. I guess so many girls just assume that their ministry and lives won't really begin until they find a man. That is so silly to me. God made girls with just as much to give to the world as any boy, and I wish I saw more girls with passion and heart. I wish I saw more girls who were intersting in finding out who they are in Christ, apart from a guy. I really heard girls say that they wanted to transfer from UNCG because there were no boys. I haven't found a man here, but I have grown by leaps and bounds here, and I have become so much more of myself than I could have ever dreamed. I have the hardest time believing that the only thing a girl wants to do is get married and pop out babies. I think that at some point, those girls will look back and be disapointed.
I am tired of single girls lamenting their desire to "just get married. to just have kids" I admit, this comes out of my mouth from time to time, but I think that marriage and babies hinge on having a man, and why should the only thing I'm made for be hinged on something that I don't have, and could possibly never have. I think, friends, that there is something that I, Emily Susanna Jackson, am specifically made to do; made by the Creator of the Universe to do. Not that God needs me, but He is willing and pleased to use me, and I don't want to miss that!
I am tired of people telling me that I will have to drop my passions and my way of serving God when I get married to back my husband and to support his way of serving God. I don't think that makes me inflexible, I think that makes me more committed to God than to marriage. But you know what I was just thinking about. A conversation that I had my Senior year of high school. I remember telling someone that I just wanted to get married and support my husband. Is this the same girl? I like to think I've grown a bit.
Personally, I'd like to serve God with someone, not watch them. I was having a conversation with a friend about to be married and he was telling me about the exciting ministry he was about to begin, and I asked what his wife-to-be would be doing once they got married, and his response was, "She will be my wife." I'm just glad that I wasn't marrying that kid.
I have this idea that if we all begin to do what God has for us, that God will meet us there and provide for our needs, whether that's through a spouse or through allowing us to deal with our single-ness. I have this idea that when we get married, our marriage should make the Kingdom of God better, and allow us to serve God in ways we couldn't before, not end my ministry as a woman. Idealistic? I hope not.
We will not be made complete by marriage, we can be made complete only through Christ, and we cannot forget that. We place so much stock in marriage, instead of in Christ. I place so much stock in marriage, instead of in Christ. I get so frustrated with myself, but that's another story. [The story of how I do not think I should be allowed to be human. That may get told some time.] CS Lewis says in The Great Divorce, "Human beings can't make one another really happy for long... You cannot love a fellow-creature fully till you love God." It's true.
I feel like this has made me seem very iron hearted. I don't mean to be. I know that I am a UNCG girl, and we tend to be rather independent, mainly because we have to be. I don't know if I expressed quite the sentiment I meant to. I think that marriage is very beautiful, and very God given, and difficult and worthwhile. I think that the ability of a wife to support her husband is beautiful, and that Eve was created, to encourage and to be Adam's help. I'd like to dream that that help isn't just cooking dinner and washing laundry, although those things may be part of it. Every girl wants to be a wife and a mother, we're made that way. My question is, what else were you made to do? Before you rush off to buy the latest Bridal magazine, and think about how you hope you have less girlfriends by the time you get married or your bridal party will be ginormous, just think about that.
PS. Boys, marriage is not the only thing girls talk about when then get together. Due to this post, I felt like I should debunk that.
currently listening to: Watashi Wa
edit:[It was brought to my attention that Cameron's name wasn't in my blog, therefore, I am fixing this.] Cameron Clarke was the best neighbor ever and when he moved to California my heart broke about a million times. In addition to Cameron leaving, his girlfriend Erin also moved out there too. Next year, instead of going to class, I will spend my time sitting in my room looking out towards California, as a way of mourning what NC lost. Someone has to recognize.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Oh before I tell you what I really want to tell you, let me tell you this story cause I thought it was pretty funny. This morning, Brittany walked into the kitchen and said, "Are those free range peaches?" and I was like, "No. I don't think you can have free range peaches. These are locally grown..." and Brittany said, "No..I mean, can I eat them." and I laughed because the mental image of a free range peach is priceless.
Today after I had lunch with Rachel, I met Emily and Laura at the church to prayer walk for the community. Emily had made contact with the wife of the Bishop of one of the churches. I forget the name..God's House of Refuge, maybe? So we walked down and knocked on the Starnes' door and this little teeny, tiny girl came to the door and just looked at us. She was precious. Her name was Prosperity. So then her Grandmother came to the door and had us sit down. Mrs. Starnes was a grandmother with hair about shoulder length, wearing a colorful dress. We asked how her church started and about the neighborhood and how long they'd been there and what they were doing in the neighborhood. This woman was amazing. She told us stories about the kids that they'd taken in. Her daughter adopted five children. One of the girls had been taken to them by her mother and she would shake because she'd been abused. She told us about the people that they'd let stay in their house. About the crackhouse nextdoor and the prostitutes that would walk down the street. She told us about feeding the homeless in their front yard. She told us how they want to open a home for teen mothers. She wasn't trying to make us see all that she had done, she was just answering our questions. At the end, she just said, I just look to see what I can do. I never feel like I've done enough. She brought the kids out so we could meet them. That made me happy. There were 8 of them. None of them hers. One boy,who I would have been semi-intimidated by, probably in high school came up onto the porch and kissed her on the cheek and introduced his "girl", and went into play with the kids. I guess I just had my world expanded and had my stereotypes blown a little bit away. Emily said this and I think that it's true, if we had met Mrs. Starnes on the street, we wouldn't have thought we had anything in common with her. In the two hours that we talked, we found that we had a lot. I just love the way the Starnes' opened up their home to people. If they could give something away, they would. More than giving away things materially, they gave their lives. They'd lived on that little corner for 17 years.
I think my favorite thing about Mrs. Starnes and her husband, Bishop Starnes, was that every night they would walk around the neighborhood and pray for their neighbors and for their neighborhood.
I guess I just hope that someday I will be like Mrs. Starnes, loving people radically in any way I can.
It reminds me of a little old lady that we met when we went to Juarez, Mexico. She would drive across the border every day with hot dogs to give to the children. She'd done it for years.
Oh to be faithful, oh to love people in the way that Jesus would.
currently drinking: red coolade.
real time: 5:07 PM
currently feeling: rediculously worn out.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
And I am really excited about incoming Freshmen. I really love Freshmen. Brittany says that's creepy, but I don't mean it to be. I can't wait to get to know a whole new class of people. I get so excited when I think about how far I've come since Freshmen year, how I've grown and become more myself. I get excited to think about new people starting this journey. Plus Freshmen are fun...and babies.
I'm really excited about everyone else coming back too. Greensboro's nice in the summer, but it will be great to have everyone back. I'm ready for tutoring to start back up too. I miss my kids.
That being said, I will certainly enjoy this last month or so before school starts back. I'm glad I have a month.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So then in my meeting, Dr. Reynolds told me that she would sign my application to the school of ed and write pending so that once my GPA goes up .1 after the fall semester, I will be admitted and ready to student teach in the spring. Thank you, Jesus again.
I am very sleepy right about now. Maybe I'll go to bed by 10. I say that every night and it never happens. I have to study for my A+! Last night I was being mocked for my studiousness and my uncanny ability to study every Friday night of my life. I'm okay with that. (:
Last night was good. Laura Jo and David came over to hang out with Katie and I. We hung out for like...6 hours. Fellowship is so good and necessary. We just talked for hours. Here's something that we talked about that I've thought about a lot before: Is a Christian's worth based on their role in ministry?
Definetly no. But it seems that many of my friends who are not specifically called to "ministry" feel jilted by the rest of the church, and feel like they are viewed as though they are worth less than others in the Kingdom of God. I find this to be particularly heart breaking and completly untrue to the heart of God. Where does our value come from? From the fact that I am made in the image of God, and from the fact that God declares me to be precious. I think we all know that there's nothing that we can do to make God love us more or less, so where does this un-Christ-like, elitist mentality come from? I am quite positive that sometimes I am overly proud of the things I do, and I am sure that everyone falls into that. I think that we forget that our friends in the corporate world will have opportunities to reach people for Christ that a pastor, a missionary, a staff worker never could. And where does that leave someone who is unable to "serve" in the way that we deem appropriate. We each have different callings. We are each different members of the body. If everyone served or lived in the same way, nothing would be accomplished. Let us not puff up in the calling that we have, but instead let's build each other up in the rememberance that we are all working toward seeing Christ's kingdom come here on earth, that we will all be together in Heaven forever and that we will be held accountable for whenever we respond without love or in pride.
currently listening to: Coldplay's Violet Hill to be followed up by Badly Drawn Boy's Journey from A to B
real time: 6:40 PM
currently reading: Three Musketeers (still) and Religions of the World
activities to follow blogging: going on a mission with Laura Jo, pie making, coffee making and studying. oh, and I'd like to drink some water. I'm thirsty.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Reynolds from the English dept. If she signs my application then I will be admitted to the Teacher's Academy. My grades are higher than the state GPA, but lower than the school GPA, but once I finish this class my GPA should be .1 off. I'm close. And excited.
So today some boy stole my seat in Religion class. I was very displeased. I figured up what happened. "Crutchy" has a computer and needed to plug it in. So he stole "Beardy's" seat to be nearer to the outlet, thus displacing "Red Shirt" into my seat.
Here's my countdown for...life:
days til I move: 24-ish
days til class is over: 24 days, but not really it's more like 11 class days.
days til Leah comes home: 8 days
days til Ann comes home: 26 days
days til school starts: "months"
I have a midterm on Wednesday. I'd like to ace it. I'd like to get the most high grade ever.
currently watching: Gilmore Girls
real time: 5:10 PM
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I left the EUC to go to class and there was this couple standing at the campus map at the end of college avenue and so I decided to ask them if they needed help finding something. They did. I gave them directions to McIver. And then I began to think about the first time I gave directions to someone as a Freshman. How exciting that was.
It's funny because I think that I have it so much more together than Freshman, baby Emily, but I don't know that I do. I like to think that I have matured and I think that I actually have. When I was younger, I had this idea that by the time I would know what I was doing. I thought that Senior year of high school was crazy because I was trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. The same is true of college. You're still trying to figure things out. And that's okay. Something tells me that that might never change. It causes us to trust Jesus.
And now for a Henri Nouwen quote (I do love him dearly.): For us to work for justice and peace and really be activists in the good sense of the word is to do it not because we need to prove to ourselves or anybody that we are worth loving. Rather, it is because we are so in touch with our belovedness that we are free to act according to the truth and say no to injustice and say yes when we see justice and peace.
real time: 9:49 PM