Thursday, February 10, 2011

Worn Through

Between the bomb threats, the fights, the drugs, the unkindness, the apathy and the strain of all the meetings that seem to be popping up like flowers in the spring-time rain I am so worn out. Emotionally and physically and spiritually.

I really feel like the only way I get through a day is through the power of Christ. But at least I have 2 really great lessons planned for tomorrow. There's never any certainty that I will get to teach them, but I've brought my A game.

Saturday I am sleeping all day.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I live my life in growing rings
that move out over the things around me.
Perhaps I'll never complete the last,
But that's what I mean to try.

I'm circling around God, around the ancient tower,
and I've been circling for thousands of years;
and I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm
or a great song?

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Shifting the Mindset

I decided that I was going to make a list of my students and write something encouraging and positive to each one of them. Easier said than done, but I think it's an exercise that will not only help my mental state, but theirs.

I also decided today that I wasn't going to make any negative phone calls, I was only going to make positive ones. In each of my classes I tried to pick a kid to call home for to let them know what their student had done well today. Talking to happy moms was nice.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

God is light.

I feel as though events in this school week have been slowly chipping away at me. I know that worrying about my children doesn't add anything to their lives or mine, but I am feeling so broken-hearted for them. I cried twice tonight because I just kept thinking about how my students think that they way they live will bring them respect, make them an individual, make them feel alive.

They just don't know how precious they are.

The God of the universe imagined them, dreamed them up before they even existed. He made them in His image and He gave them gifts and abilities that make them different from anyone else. He loved them so much that He traded His son's life for theirs.

It seems as though there is nothing that could break through the darkness that surrounds them so that they could know that.

And yet John 1:5 tells us "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

I need God to change my so easily defeated heart to trust in His light and purpose.