Preaching to yourself

Lately I've been thinking about the concept of wanting. Usually I am afraid to want or to believe for something. A couple Sundays ago Ann and I want to church with Amanda and Sambo. While we were there the church prayed for the healing of a man. Though I wanted him to be healed, I was so skeptical that he would be healed. It's like I've conditioned myself not to hope or to want because if I do hope or want there is no guarantee that God will give us the desires of our heart. The Bible says that He will (Psalm 37:4) but my cynicism interprets that as "If you want God and God alone then he'll give you Himself alone." Meaning that there's no room for wanting anything else. But that can't be right because He wants us to want things, He wants us to ASK Him for things. Again my cynical self says He just wants us to ask so He can tell us no. That broken theology causes me to come up barren. It leaves me wanting. So here is what I know based on God's Word:

My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you

James 4:2 You lust, and have not: you kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: you fight and war, yet you have not, because you do not ask.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28

So let's reevaluate, and let me preach to myself:

God loves me. He has a plan for my life because He has called me to be His own. He wants me to ask for things. He made me to hope for things and to want things. It is not a bad thing. Reversely, He will not give me everything that I want when I want it because He sees the whole picture. We will continue to have different ideas about how my life should go, but He is God and I am not. This doesn't make it any easier, but I don't want to become bitter while I want on Him.

Dear God,

Please cause my heart to love you and to know your love. Please help me not to grow bitter while I wait for you to move. You are not subject to my whims and wishes. You are God. Please help me remember that you have infinite knowledge and infinite love for me so you would never withhold anything good thing (that I need) from me. Help me to believe that. Thank you that you let me wrestle and that you know my limitations.






Currently listening to: Airplanes (at least I confessed it!)