Week one. downnn

Today I took myself to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor's by myself. It feels scary and horribly lonely. And very grown up. And did I mention alone? Ahead of me was an old, old couple. They were adorable. The man's name was Raymond. He called me a dear. And his wife said, "Are you spelling it d-e-e-r or d-e-a-r, because there's a difference, Ray." They hugged the nurses when they were done. They were old and wrinkly and had long toe nails, but they loved each other and you could tell by how they interacted together and how they interacted with everyone else. I want that. I think that growing old with someone is a great adventure.

It might not be an adventure that I get to have, but there are other adventures to be had. If only I could think of it that way always.

Psalm 17:15

As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Psalm 73:22-28

I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry. But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all Your works.

and a little Henri J.M for you,

"Keep deepening your conviction that God's love for you is enough, that you are safe in His hands, and that you are being guided every step of the way."



currently listening to: the dogs next door going crazy and Spoon
currently reading: New Bible Commentary, The Only Necessary Thing by Henri J.M Nouwen
real time: 10:04

To pray unceasingly is to lead all our thoughts out of their fearful isolation into a fearless conversation with God. Jesus' life was lived in the presence of God his Father. Jesus kept nothing, absolutely nothing, hidden from his Father's face. Jesus' joys, his fears, his hopes, and his dispairs were always shared with His Father. - Henri J.M. Nouwen


listening to: When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out, Copeland
current time: 5:55
currently worrying about: lots of upcoming change, and how focused I will have to be on school this semester even though I'm a Senior.
currently looking forward to: Fall kick off and the IV booth on Monday and meeting with my Pastor Greg on Monday and classes starting on Monday. Monday.

The madness that is college has begun.

For the past three days, I and other wonderful InterVarsity students have helped move the Freshmen in. I cannot even begin to describe to you how tired, sore and bruised my body is, but it was worth it for the opportunities that we had to talk to people. I think people were encouraged by our presence. I gave two girls my phone number and offered to show them where their classes are and I hope that I can begin to build relationships with the incoming Freshmen.

I am way too exhausted to write further. Things are crazy and busy. I hope that God will be honored by our efforts to love our campus and that we will love tirelessly. NSO (New Student Outreach) has just begun and classes begin Monday. Bring it.

I really want to grow.



Sometimes I feel like my heart is being stretched and it hurts.


I want to be past where I am. I wish I could see what God was doing and where He was taking me.


Jesus, help me to be like you.

I have to keep reading this over and over, maybe you need to too.

You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You are already loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of your life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put on, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator.

You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. This temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator...You are already loved...As the woman says in Song of Songs, "My own vineyard is mine to give." In the ancient Near East, a vineyard was a euphemism for sexuality. She is saying that she doesn't give herself to just anyone. She is fully in control of herself, and she is not cheap and she is not easy.

Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours, it forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.

You are worth dying for.


excerpt from ROB BELL, SEX GOD

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I feel like I babysat my week away, which was excellent, but I pretty much don't want kids til I'm 80 this week. I'm not ready to be a Mom, as much as I hope to one day be one. Tonight, I lay in bed with Hudson (age 2) in his new big boy bed, until he stopped crying and until he fell asleep. I read a chapter of the Hardy Boys to Lawson (age 8), and two chapters to Riley of some book about a girl needing glasses and no longer being the class pet because of a new girl (age 10). I had finally settled into a chair in the living room and began knitting on the baby blanket I'm knitting when Lawson came into the living room and sat on the couch. He couldn't sleep. So he sat there and talked and talked. He asked me if I was knitting, what I was knitting and how big it would be. I let him talk because in all my life I have never wanted to go to bed. I felt his pain. Finally I pulled out my phone and said, "you have two minutes to say all you have to say and then you have to go to sleep." He made a face and then chatted and chatted. Two minutes were up. "Time for bed, Lawson," I told him. "Can I see it?" he asked. I showed him that his two minutes were up. He talked for a few more minutes.

"Lawson, believe me, I would much rather talk to you than sit here by myself, but you've gotta go to bed."

He reluctantly, slipped off the couch, and into the dark hall. Then I heard a whisper,"Riley...guess what." it was quiet for a second. "She knits!"

I couldn't stop giggling. What little boy is captivated by the hobby of grandmothers? It was all I could do to get some amount of stern-ness into my voice so I could say, "Lawson, get in bed."

note 1: dear downstairs neighbors, please do not scream because it really freaks me out. I also don't know whether to call the police or not. I'm sure you wouldn't want the police to come and break up your party all because you think screaming like you're dying is funny.

note 2: I think when I finish with the blanket for the McCluskey's, I will make a baby hat for Karen and Robert. It will be maroon and orange because it would be good for the Howe baby to blend into Blacksburg. Plus, it's really cold up there and so that baby can't possibly have too many hats.

real time: 12:12 AM
currently listening to: Switchfoot, Let That Be Enough