Post 460 [Subtitled: SOURCE]

Today I went to the library. The two books I walked out with were The Gospel in Brief by Leo Tolstoy and New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton. I began reading both when I was struck by a word that was in both of them. The word was source. Merton begins his book by stating, "Contemplation is the highest expression of man's intellectual and spiritual life. It is the life itself, fully awake, fully active, fully aware that it is alive. It is spiritual wonder. It is spontaneous awe at the sacredness of life, of being. It is gratitude for life, for awareness and for being. It is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent and infinitely abundant Source."

I won't quote Tolstoy. I didn't quite agree with him, but what I will tell you is that the word source was repeated over and over in the beginning of the book. (this is what some might call a preface; those that are less bookish might skip this, so I'll pretend I do too.)

Yesterday I was sharing with a friend that I was feeling really dry in my walk with Christ. I felt as though today was a glaring reminder to stay connected to the vine, to press further up and further in til times aren't so challenging.

He is my source, no matter what else might seem like life.

Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual lives. We feel no desire to pray, don't experience God's presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we believe about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.

Then it is important to realize that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. - Nouwen

Happy first birthday, Italics!

Teaching for me is like what I would imagine childbirth to be like: painful while you live it, and yet when you're done, all that is left is something beautiful that makes you forget how hard it was in the moment. It is the end moment that makes it worth it. It's this end that makes me long for the beginning.

I think I don't like competition because I'm afraid I'll never measure up.

Today one of my students brought his baby by to see me. He said, "This is the English teacher you want when you get older."


Currently listening to: Tenuousness by Andrew Bird