A few posts ago, I wrote about how I feel as though I am losing a lot of friends due to various circumstances. Through conversation with a dear friend I came to realize that part of the reason I struggle with that so is because I am not trusting that God will provide for me. We've been reading 1 John at church. The very last verse of the book says "Little children, keep yourselves from idols(5:21)." I've been thinking about that a lot. In a book that talks about what love is, why would that be the last verse? John doesn't even say goodbye really. He only abruptly reminds them to keep themselves pure from the love of idols. He does this because he's told them what real love is. I know what real love is, and I know where it's found. I feel like God has been really challenging me to make sure that I'm not trying to put people in the place of him. He's been challenging me to trust him. These next two weeks are going to be really emotional for me because I'm saying goodbye to three dear friends. I've cried a lot lately and I feel lonely even though I still have such a wonderful community of friends around me. I feel really selfish for feeling so sad, and for not being able to just cherish the friendships that are here to stay (at least for this time).
There's another verse that's stood out to me that says "Perfect love casts out fear (4:18)" and I feel like God has just been reminding me that his love is perfect. I don't have to be afraid of losing relationships or people forgetting me or moving on because he will never leave me. I think that's all easier in my brain than in my heart but all that is a work in progress and I feel like so much is still being worked out in my heart.
Growth is so hard for me sometimes, because I so often just want to have arrived. I want to be so much better in my walk with God, but then I remember that God will never let me reach where I want because then I would no longer have a need for him. I am reminded that he's not measuring things the way I am. In fact, he doesn't measure me at all. He just loves me (and you). Perfectly.
But here's what I'm wondering now: How do we love people with our entire hearts and not make them an idol? How do we know if we've made relationships or people an idol? Because I feel like I am good at loving people, but not so good at letting them go. I guess I am still learning how to keep my hands open, and that I will have to continue trusting that God will teach me this.
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2 comments:
Its always hard to see friend go - just ask me I been around for awhile
this resonates with me so much, friend. I, too, struggle with idolatrizing (?) people and relationships, and just yesterday was asking God how on earth I can love and be committed to people without putting them in his place, and worrying that they'll "get away from me"! if you have any revelations, let me know!!!
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