The success of vulnerability.

Yesterday, I was really excited to try the lesson I had planned. Unfortunately since I am a newbie I never really know if things will work, I can only hope. So yesterday I decided that we would take the sections of Walden, Or Life in the Woods, and we would read it in groups. Then I was going to have each group present the information to the class, and that way we didn't all have to read the entire thing. In theory this was a lovely idea but I think it broke down because my groups were too big. Next time I try this, I have some good ideas for improvement, but yesterday it was more than their little brains could handle. Plus, Walden is kind of boring. There was one question in particular that really stumped the kids. I was attempting to explain the question to the class so that the group could then present the answer. When I finished, J responded by laughing and asking why I had told them all that and some other "unnecessary" comments. He seems to make a habit of not listening to the directions and then not knowing what's going on. Frustrating. When he questioned why I was giving them information, I momentarily lost my temper, because he had been talking and not listening all day. I told him to get out of my class because he was being a "smart ass." My face was red and I was frustrated and my mind blanked on any other way to state his behavior. "Smart alec" would have sufficed, but it didn't come out of my mouth. I followed him out of my classroom and we had a chat in the hall. While we were out there, I apologized to him for speaking to him in such a manner. Fortunately, he told me that we were "straight." Then I headed back in with J to apologize to the class. There is nothing more humbling than looking into the eyes of a classroom full of 16 and 17 year olds and apologizing for not speaking appropriately. I was so upset at myself. Here's the crazy part. After class, one of my students who had also been talking and not focusing on the task at hand, came up and apologized to me for not being respectful. I was floored. Not that I'd recommend making mistakes that warrant an apology to the world but it was really cool to see how the situation was redeemed (in a sense), as I modeled asking for forgiveness and in turn, one of my students did the same to me. Again, how humbling.

Today was much better. In fact, my second period made me so excited and proud I could have done back flips. We finished discussing Walden today and then we began a discussion on non-conformity. I read to them from a chapter of a story called Stargirl that is really relevant and very well written. Then I put the following quotes up on the board:

“How worn and dusty, then, must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.”- Walden

“The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion (object of dislike)…Whoso would be a man must be a non-conformist.” – Self-Reliance

“We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.” – Stargirl

I asked them to tell me what they thought of conformity based on the quotations. I asked them if it was easy or difficult to be their own person and if they thought they that they were conformists or an individualists.

I gave them ten minutes and then I read to them my response from my journal. I asked them to share with me their responses. After I finished they were so funny because they told me that after I shared, theirs didn't sound any good anymore. I reminded them that I majored in English and had had a bit more time to finely hone my writing skills. Then...

Their hands shot up! We had such a good conversation and they were so respectful of each other and so brave in sharing.

That is why I am a teacher.


On both of these days, I was vulnerable and shared myself in completely different ways, planned and unplanned. And incredibly, students responded, in ways I never would have imagined.

All I know is that God is so merciful.




currently listening to: Sufjan Stevens: Songs for Christmas, Holy, Holy Holy