I have now has two job interviews and I must say that I am a little depressed. It just seems like I go to these interviews only to hear that there is a hiring freeze and even if they wanted to hire me, they couldn't. And who knows if they want to hire me or not. Sometimes I feel so utterly inexperienced and can't imagine that anyone would want to give me a chance. I know that if someone would just give me the chance to teach, I would work really hard and do well. But then a small part of me wonders: "What if you don't do well. What if someone takes a chance on you and then you do terribly?" It's just really discouraging to keep applying and keep going to job interviews feeling that from the very beginning it doesn't matter. Of course that's a terrible attitude, and can only settle on me after my interview.

So then I sleep it off because all I can do it wait.

[I know that God has plans for me.]

I went back into the blogging vaults and found where I'd written about a conflict that I had with one of my students:

"This afternoon when fifth period rolled around I was standing in the front of the classroom, waiting for the kids to come in, when Ch came in, throwing his arms around me in a huge, enveloping hug, saying, "I'm sorry Ms. Jackson." I had no idea what to do because we're not really supposed to have a great deal of contact with the kids, so I just threw my hands up in the air and said, "I'm sorry too, Ch. Let's have a better day." It really was funny. And oddly moving. When I told Mr. Willoughby, he asked if Ch was appropriate when he hugged me, and I assured him Ch was. Then he said, "You know. That's a really big step for Ch. To apologize." And I knew that it was. For a kid to come in, especially a mouthy kid, to come in and sincerely apologize, unexpectedly and unwarrantedly, was so surprising and encouraging."

I just teared up. I hope sincerely that I am given the chance to teach again.