Friday is Nelson Mandela's birthday

I'm sitting here on my bed, listening to the familiar sounds of skateboarding and loud boys. Yesterday at the inn, I checked people in for the first time ever. I am proud. Today I got one of the magazines that has a list of places to check out in the Triad and I wrote down a bunch. I was writing them down and I was thinking about Emory when we drove up to Rockbridge because I got excited about the historical landmarks and she made fun of me. I will go to these places by myself because I just never imagine anyone else wanting to go. I have definitely gained more independence this summer. I feel like in gaining independence I have also acquired a certain loneliness. I like people. I'd rather be with people than without them. I have a very high people quota. I feel peace-less. Like I'm trying to figure things out on my own. I am ready for the schol year to start up so I can resume relationships with the kids in Glenwood and so I can begin new ones/continue old ones with people at school and so I can begin building relationships with people in the school system. I am trying to trust in God and to wait for His timing and to seek Him alone.

I've been thinking about Elijah in 1 Kings 19 lately. I love that story. Elijah is so discouraged and he's afraid for his life and so he runs away and he ends up in this cave and God asks him what he's doing there. And he tells God that he has been serving Him and that he's all alone and that they're going to kill him. So God tells him to go stand out on the mountain and first a wind passed by, then an earthquake and then a fire, but God wasn't in any of those things. Then, a still small voice comes and God is in that. And God asks Elijah again what he's doing and Elijah tells God how he feels again and God says, go back.

I don't know why I feel compelled to keep reading that story. I just know that God will show up, and somehow speak comfort. I feel like in this story Elijah looks for God in showy, distracting things and that's easy to do. But in the end, God is whispering to Elijah.

I guess I feel like in a way, mentally I am Elijah and God is whispering, "Why are you here?"
I would have to reply, "I really don't know. I just want to serve you and do what's right according to you and I just don't even know how I got to this place! What am I doing here?" and God whispers, "Go back. Try again. Tomorrow's a new day."




currently listening to: everybodyfields
real time: 12:55 AM
weekend plans: working at the inn from 5 to 9, home, and Sammie Jo's baby shower.