Today I did something "they" say not to do. "They" say never to talk about something with your class if you couldn't when an administrator was in the room. I broke that rule but mainly because a former professor said to me this week to "trust your instincts. That's not normally something I say to people, but I trust your instincts." And so today, when I told my students I was going to collect the pre-work for the essay they are writing so I could grade it tonight, and my students said, "Why Ms. Jackson, are you going to party this weekend?" I enlightened them on the party life of Emily S. Jackson. I informed them that I never partied, not even in college. Then they asked what I did instead and if I had ever been to a party. I told them that I had been to parties, but I had never gotten drunk while there. Chaos ensued, naturally. For a brief instant, I wondered if I had pin pointed myself as the biggest looser in the world, or if I had made myself seem like a goody two shoes, or if I had ever even lived. And then it hit me. I have lived, and experienced heart break and fullness of joy and never numbed out due to not being able to handle it, or in celebration. I have lived more deeply than the biggest partier in the world. Life is not found in parties, or in alcohol, or revelry. Life is found in community, reading wonderful literature and learning new things and laughter. Maybe those things sound dumb to 16 year olds but maybe there was a kid in there that needed to hear that they aren't the only one who doesn't live in insanity. And maybe when they're a little older, they will remember that they had a crazy English teacher who knew how to really party.

Or maybe not.


currently listening: hero, regina spektor