mmm, Tate St Coffee

This week I came to understand how much I truly have fallen in love with teaching my students. I think about how I can help them better constantly. I want them to succeed. I pray for them all the time. I know that as my heart is expanded for these children, it will never be the same. As I think about my weeks ending, I want to cry. Of course, I still have quite a few weeks but I really don't ever want to stop.

One day this week as I was driving to school, it hit me how much I care about my kids and their struggles. I was praying for them and all of a sudden, that small quiet voice said, "You know that how much you care about them is only a fraction of how much I care about them." I processed those words. Then more came, "And you know the way you think about them, the way you would do anything to help them, the way you want them to have wonderful lives and for them to be okay? That's only a fraction of how I feel about you."

I am learning so much about love. How love sometimes has to discipline. I held an my entire 4th period class on Friday a minute after the bell rang and they hated that. They told me that they thought student teachers were supposed to be fun. To which of course I could have replied, I thought students were supposed to do what I ask and to listen when I'm talking. But I didn't say that, I just said that we couldn't do anything fun because the class was always so crazy. I also gave a kid detention for the first time. I emailed 2 parents to rat out their children, to which one mom replied, "we will deal with it." After I had a terrible 4th period, my 5th period came in. Fifth period is my favorite. They are my strategic readers. The children that can struggle so much and can be such a challenge. I got up in front of the class in a very bad mood. I was just quiet. And Larry has run into 4th period to yell "Jacksonnn" and then run back out, so he knew I was in a good mood earlier. He asked me how I was, and I said okay. He said, "It seems to me that you've got from great to okay." And I told him that he was correct. That's when they class decided to "be good for Ms. Jackson." And when we broke up into reading circles, I snapped at Danielle. She was playing around by the door. Really, she was trying to shut the door for me, but I told her, "Danielle, get with your group. Peace out." in a harsh voice. Then I realized that she was in my group. So I apologized. She forgave me and Cameron offered to beat up my 4th period for me. And Tyler told the group that they should do a good job reading since I was not in a good mood. Granted, I think he forgot about that soon after but it was a nice thought. (: When the kids left, Cameron said, "I love you Ms. Jackson" and Tyler popped his head back in and said, "I love you too, Ms. Jackson" and I said, "Bye boys."

I really love my kids. They make my days terrible and wonderful.


currently listening to: Urban Sophisticates