I have to keep reading this over and over, maybe you need to too.

You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You are already loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of your life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put on, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator.

You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. This temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator...You are already loved...As the woman says in Song of Songs, "My own vineyard is mine to give." In the ancient Near East, a vineyard was a euphemism for sexuality. She is saying that she doesn't give herself to just anyone. She is fully in control of herself, and she is not cheap and she is not easy.

Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours, it forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.

You are worth dying for.


excerpt from ROB BELL, SEX GOD

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I feel like I babysat my week away, which was excellent, but I pretty much don't want kids til I'm 80 this week. I'm not ready to be a Mom, as much as I hope to one day be one. Tonight, I lay in bed with Hudson (age 2) in his new big boy bed, until he stopped crying and until he fell asleep. I read a chapter of the Hardy Boys to Lawson (age 8), and two chapters to Riley of some book about a girl needing glasses and no longer being the class pet because of a new girl (age 10). I had finally settled into a chair in the living room and began knitting on the baby blanket I'm knitting when Lawson came into the living room and sat on the couch. He couldn't sleep. So he sat there and talked and talked. He asked me if I was knitting, what I was knitting and how big it would be. I let him talk because in all my life I have never wanted to go to bed. I felt his pain. Finally I pulled out my phone and said, "you have two minutes to say all you have to say and then you have to go to sleep." He made a face and then chatted and chatted. Two minutes were up. "Time for bed, Lawson," I told him. "Can I see it?" he asked. I showed him that his two minutes were up. He talked for a few more minutes.

"Lawson, believe me, I would much rather talk to you than sit here by myself, but you've gotta go to bed."

He reluctantly, slipped off the couch, and into the dark hall. Then I heard a whisper,"Riley...guess what." it was quiet for a second. "She knits!"

I couldn't stop giggling. What little boy is captivated by the hobby of grandmothers? It was all I could do to get some amount of stern-ness into my voice so I could say, "Lawson, get in bed."

note 1: dear downstairs neighbors, please do not scream because it really freaks me out. I also don't know whether to call the police or not. I'm sure you wouldn't want the police to come and break up your party all because you think screaming like you're dying is funny.

note 2: I think when I finish with the blanket for the McCluskey's, I will make a baby hat for Karen and Robert. It will be maroon and orange because it would be good for the Howe baby to blend into Blacksburg. Plus, it's really cold up there and so that baby can't possibly have too many hats.

real time: 12:12 AM
currently listening to: Switchfoot, Let That Be Enough